I don't understand...

(I will get back to the "most controversial" topic in a bit - it's going to take me awhile to write).

I have recently been told stories by a good friend, my sister and my mother. They all involved slightly varying stories of tearing so badly in childbirth they required an hour +/- of stitching after.

This makes me really angry. At the OB's/doctors. There are ways to prevent much of the serious tearing that happens in childbirth. It takes a little effort and care by the birth attendant.

Don't OB's care??? Why don't they do anything to prevent this awful tearing (and no - prevention does not = episiotomy either!) Is it money? They can charge more for the careful stitching they do afterwards?

My heart breaks for these poor mama's. And it's just SO common (no surprise since 99% of births take place in hospitals and apparently very few doctor's care to do anything to prevent the tearing).

It's NOT a part of normal birth. Minor tearing, sure. It happens. Major tearing requiring an hour of repair? No. Not normal. At least it shouldn't be.

Tearing has nothing to do with (or very little to do with) the size of the baby. I have heard of mama's tearing from birthing their small 5lb. babies and I have heard of women birthing 12 lb. babies with NO tearing. (No joke!).

Midwives have (comparatively) VERY low rates of tearing. Many mama's don't tear at all, others require only a stitch or two. While I'm not a midwife and don't know all of the tricks of the trade, I will list some things I do know that help prevent tearing, in case any mama's want to try to help themselves if their doctor's refuse (or don't know how) to help them.

1 - If possible, labor in water for some time. This softens all of the tissues. This is probably mostly helpful during the end of labor. (Besides the fact that it provides much pain relief from contractions as well!)

2 - If at all possible, do not push lying flat on your back. This is the worst position for labor and delivery. (Yet the status quo in hospitals. Why? Easier access for your doc. Not for your good. Your doctor's). This position does not utilize gravity as well as puts additional unnecessary pressure on the perineum.

(Side note - I did end up delivering my daughter semi reclined on my back - after trying many positions, this is where I my pushing was most effective. I did have a small tear requiring 2 stitches. I will be trying other positions again this time, however, things don't always go as planned and I know that :)

3 - Probably one of the best things you can do: When you are about to deliver baby, you, your spouse, doctor, midwife, birth attendant, whoever can use an oil (arnica is a great choice, although any nutritive oil would do) to further soften your tissues, as well as gently supporting the tissues as the head emerges by applying pressure and gently easing the skin around baby's head.

Also, perineal massage/stretching during the last few weeks of pregnancy may also help prevent tearing. One of the greatest things about this practice, besides perhaps making the tissue more 'stretchy', is practicing how to relax when feeling an uncomfortable sensation (the massage/stretching does not feel good!). The more you are able to relax down there as the baby is being born, the easier, faster and less tearing there will be. If you are able to have your partner help it works best. Breathe deeply and close your eyes. Relax your jaw. Think of happy images or places and relax. Really good practice for birth.

4 - As your baby is being born, try to really control and slow your pushing. The slower baby comes, the less amount of tearing as the tissues have a chance to stretch and accommodate. Some women will pant during this stage to keep themselves from pushing too hard. Some will give a series of short pushes instead of one big push. *Hopefully* you have a birth attendant that can coach you through this part. If the tissues are looking white - slow down (if you can!). Your birth attendant can also put gentle pressure on the babies head to prevent baby from coming out to quickly.

Ok - as I said... not a trained midwife here... so this is all I can think of at the moment. I will add more to the comments if I think of more - or if anyone else has ideas or techniques - please add them to the comments as well!

Talk to whoever is attending your birth about techniques to avoid tearing. Ask about the possibility of pushing NOT on your back. Fight for what you feel you need and want. Be your own birth advocate! (or find a good midwife! no really!) ;)

blessings in birth,

S

"Which hospital are you delivering at?"

I was asked this question at our big family Christmas dinner last night. I suppose for 99% of the population this is a totally normal and expected question.

I've been asked this several times during each pregnancy. And it still catches me off guard. I've never even considered having a baby in a hospital. It's weird because in my own private little world, in my mind, birth is normal and natural. Not a medical event. The hospital is for illness and injury - not a place to have babies! My internal thoughts go something like this...

"Hospital? I'm not sick, I'm having a baby! Childbirth is normal and there is no need for a hospital. Why would I go there? I don't like hospitals. I don't want to be in a hospital bed with people I don't know wandering in and out, with needles and tubes and beeping monitors. There are germs (bad ones like MRSA) and sick people in hospitals. Ew. I want to be in my comfy home with people that I know and love. I don't want people I hardly know poking, prodding, bathing and touching my newborn, or telling me what I need to do or can't do with him. I want to snuggle in bed with him... not put him in a car and drive him there. And.... I'm having a baby. I'm not sick."

Now, I know I'm one of a very small number that thinks this way. I'm one of a very small number that chooses homebirth because I believe it's what is best for my babies as well as myself. I know hospital births are normal and expected.

So what I say out loud is usually something along the lines of..

"Oh we homebirth with a midwife. I know... we're kind of crazy..." (Not that I believe we are crazy - but I know to a majority of the population we appear that way. It kind of diffuses the conversation at that point and most people move on... unless they are truly interested, which in that case I'm happy to talk about it :)

So thankful to have the option of homebirth.

blessings,

s

Here we go...

My first "most controversial topic" ... ok. I'm just going to put it out there. It's about circumcision.

This has been a pretty routine practice in America for ...hmmm... a little less than 100 years. (Check out the history... really interesting). It's normal, right? Well.. times are a changin'! The latest reported statistics from the CDC show that 67.5% of baby boys in America are now left intact.

Before I get into all of our reasons we have decided against circumcision, let me tell you a little about our journey.

With our first baby, husband and I talked very briefly about it. We decided that if we had a boy, we would circumcise. It was "normal" to us, and we had heard things about cleanliness and health as reasons to do it. We didn't want our son to be potentially made fun of in the locker room, etc. I also thought that if God had commanded the Jews to circumcise, there had to have been some good reason, right? We found out around 18 weeks into the pregnancy that we were having a girl, so we left it at that. We didn't do any research because it was unnecessary. Our midwife asked us if we would (with no judgement) and we said that we would but we were having a girl.. making it a non point.

Once we became pregnant the second time, I decided that I (we) should begin our research early. Really delve into the facts and find out how we really would feel given the available information. I read and read and read. I shared the important stuff with husband. And I guess what they say is true... the more you know - the more you are against it. Over a couple of months time, before we found out we were having a boy, we knew we were completely, absolutely, decidedly, definitely, unquestionably never ever ever ever ever going to do it to our child.

1. After learning that there is no medical indication for it (doesn't reduce infection, little to no effect on STD's, etc.), along with the fact that no medical organization in the entire world recommends routine infant circumcision, along with the fact that it is being done less and less in our country -- With no BENEFIT (quite the OPPOSITE) to putting my brand new, perfect little baby through pain of surgery - cutting a part off of his perfectly formed little body, I just couldn't imagine, couldn't fathom!, putting my baby through it. With all of the statistics showing no benefit, many insurance companies have deemed it what it really is (and therefore many companies no longer cover it) - an elective cosmetic surgery.
   
   
2. In addition to there being no medical benefit to circumcision, there are many risks involved, as there is with any surgery. Hemorrhage, infection and death are some immediate risks; there can also be ongoing and permanent complications. Death from circumcision may be one of the most common causes of death in babies, sadly it often goes unreported or is covered up. (Edited to add: It's estimated that as many boys die from infant circumcision as SIDS every year... SIDS is not always preventable - that we are yet aware of - but circumcision deaths are 100% preventable).
   
   Ugh... this topic is so big and I have so much to say about what I have learned, it's really overwhelming to write this....
   
   
3. The basics of the procedure: The prepuce (foreskin) of the penis is fused to the glans (head of the penis) at birth, much like your fingernail is fused to your finger. The skin eventually releases when the boy is older, 50% don't until 10 years old or later. In order to perform the circumcision, the skin must be torn apart. Forget the cutting - this has GOT to be the most painful part of the procedure (especially considering the millions of nerve endings in this sensitive part of the body!). This is something I didn't know about until researching. There are different ways of completing the circumcision once the skin has been torn apart, I won't go into that, but you can google the procedures if you like. I'm sure they are likely equally painful (although we'll never really know since our babies are too little to communicate). And remember, little to no anesthesia is used as it is too dangerous to use with a baby.
   
   
4. I have heard so many times - "do it when they are little so they won't remember the pain." Whether this is true or not (that they don't remember pain)... I just don't understand how this makes it okay?? They are brand new and have experienced little to no pain in their short lives. Some reports even say that their nervous systems are HYPER aware in the beginning. To me, the fact that they can't tell you it hurts and you can't give them any pain relievers makes the whole thing so much more awful! Poor babies...
   
   
5. "It's cleaner and / or easier to care for": Before the foreskin retracts on it's own, there is nothing different to be done. You never never never forcibly retract a foreskin. Only clean what is seen. This requires no more effort - and definitely less than a newly circumcised penis. (Check out FAQ's about care). Once the foreskin retracts, the parent shows the boy how to pull it up in the shower and let the water run over it. This is maybe different in mechanics, but little girls need to know how to clean themselves as well. And if a we are cutting little boys to be "cleaner" we should cut little girls labia off too - it would be cleaner! And they would be less prone to UTI's (girls are much more prone to infections than boys). We would never fathom cutting our little girls in the name of cleanliness. Or removing their mammary glands so they might avoid cancer in the future. Our boys deserve the same respect.
   
   
6. "We want him to look like daddy" - First of all, if daddy had a missing arm, you wouldn't cut off your baby's arm so he "looked like daddy" would you? Of course not! I have never heard of any men/boys comparing genitals with their father/sons. As women, we don't compare breasts or labia with our daughters. Yes, it is a possibility (maybe even an eventuality) that our uncircumcised boy will ask why he looks different. We will explain to him, just as we would if daddy had a missing arm (age appropriately of course). The same would go for brothers (if one were intact and the other was not). If my mom had a mastectomy, I would probably have asked about that, but never wished my breast away so I could look like her.
   
   
7. As far as biblical circumcision - it was a much different procedure than what is done today.
   
   
   "It's true circumcision was a sign of the covenant God made with Abraham, but today's procedure is not the same procedure! In Abraham's day only enough of the foreskin was removed to expose the tip of the glans (or, the 'head'). The Maccabees, during their famous revolt against the Greek domination of the Jews, changed it to the procedure known today and forced it on all Jewish men on pain of death. In the New Testament, the Apostles announced (Acts chapter fifteen) that the ordinances of the Law of Moses were no longer required."
   http://www.noharmm.org/huswife.htm
   
   
   It was a blood sacrifice. There was a little nick to the boys penis and a drop of blood was taken. That was it. Anything more and boys of that day probably would have been dying left and right from blood loss and infection. The reason why it is unnecessary for us to do this now as a Christian is the same reason we don't sacrifice lambs as burnt offerings, etc. - Jesus was the final and ultimate sacrifice. We are no longer under the law, we are under the blood of Christ.
   
   
   
   

Ok - this is getting long, so I'm just going to post some links regarding some other things and let you do the research if you feel led.

The prepuce/foreskin has a purpose! It's not just a useless piece of skin.

Christianity and Circumcision - Check out this and this and this.

Are you Informed? Short article and lots of good resources (books, websites and articles)

50 Reasons to Leave it Alone

**For mature audiences only** - entertaining and informative, but terrible language and graphic video - Penn and Teller Bullsh!t on Circumcision (Hubs and I watched this together - partially covering our eyes. Great overview on the topic if you aren't into reading).

If he chooses, my son will be able to make the decision himself someday whether he wants to remain intact or become circumcised. Until he makes that (fully informed) decision and knowingly consents to the surgery, I will not be cutting anything (unnecessarily) off of his body. It's his body and his choice, not one for me to make.

Circumcision goes against every mama bear instinct in me. I want to protect my child. To keep them whole. Unhurt. As perfect as the Lord created them to be within my womb. Some things are obviously out of my control - but circumcision is not. The prepuce has a purpose, God created it and I'll leave my son just as he was made. Whole.

Respectfully,

S

PS - I know many mom's that have made the decision to circumcise their son(s) (**I have no judgement!**) My best friend did and has since learned more about it and has decided, like many other women, that they no longer agree with it. While this must be a really difficult realization, we have to also realize that we do the best we can with the information we have. This is one reason I wanted to write this - to get information out there that is rarely if ever talked about. Whether or not you see circumcision as a "mistake" - we will all make some mistakes in parenting. None of us are perfect, nor will we ever be. We have to allow ourselves grace and room to grow and learn and become better people and better parents.

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better." - Maya Angelou

(If you click on some of the links, you will see the same blog over and over many times. This woman has a wealth of knowledge and has done years of research. She lists sources and I personally think she has provided a great resource for inquiring parents. Of course this information is available elsewhere - I just have found her very honest, readable and well cited.)

Two of Our Most Controversial Parenting Decisions

In the next several blogs (because there is no way I can fit it all into one!) I will be writing about two of what I consider to be our most controversial parenting decisions. I have been hesitating writing about either subject not just because they are controversial, but because there is a lot of hard information that I have encountered. This hard information is not always easy to take and I hate hurting or offending people. However, each subject has become very dear to me and is too important to not write about.

It's not necessarily my wish for everyone to agree with me, or to come to agree with my way of thinking. What I do wish is that people would become informed on these subjects, do their own research, and come to their own decisions and conclusions based on that research and not on hearsay, what doctor's have told you, what you grew up with, or what your family and friends do or tell you to do.

We all (well, hopefully most of us) do what we do because it's what we think is best. For ourselves. For our children. I believe when it comes to our children we have the responsibility to make each decision carefully. And with so many tools and information at our fingertips - (yes, there is a lot of misinformation on the internet, but us "thinking" individuals should be able to recognize "good" sources from "bad" and weed through the misinformation to find the good stuff!) - we have no excuse for not being informed!

Bare with me through these next few blogs. If you don't agree with me, just know that I have no judgement for those around me who live differently than I do and make different decisions than I do. I only hope to have the same respect back.

love,

s

Midwives

I wanted to write a little blog on midwives and the expertise, training and experience they have to offer.

I have heard SO many times from mama's "if I would have had a homebirth/midwife, I and/or my baby would have died!"

This statement just kills me. It is usually said by those who are just not really informed on exactly how trained and skilled midwives are. (Disclaimer: Yes, I know there are bad midwives out there - but there are also bad doctors). It is also usually said by a mama who has experienced obstetrical interventions during labor. Statistics will show that one intervention many times leads to another. Whereas if you leave birth alone, it is much less "dangerous" and usually requires no (or very little) intervention.

Midwives, specifically homebirth midwives, lay midwives, direct entry midwives, etc. really only work with women with normal, low-risk pregnancies (the same can be said about CNM's, but as they usually work in hospitals there is more leeway there).

An OB will use medical "tools" to diagnose a high-risk pregnancy (ultrasound, namely). Midwives use their own tools to come to the same (sometimes even more accurate!) conclusion.

Measuring fundal height is one tool used by midwives for checking on babies growth as well as fluid levels.

Palpating the uterus will tell midwives many things, such as the babies position (checking for breech).

Midwives use dopplers and fetoscopes to listen to the heartbeat as well as placental sounds.

Midwives routinely check pH, protein, etc in mama's urine. They also run blood tests multiple times throughout pregnancy, as well as check pulse and blood pressure at every visit.

These are just a few of the "tools" that midwives use to monitor the health of mamas and babies. If at any time they are unsure of something, if mama is showing signs that something isn't quite right, they will immediately refer her to an OB. If everything checks up as normal, they can continue care with the midwife. However, if there is something not right, they would transfer care to the OB.

Many/most midwives have EXCELLENT records for outcomes as far as maternal mortality, fetal mortality, as well as transfer to hospitals, c-section etc. They do not take risks - the mama and baby's health are of the utmost importance to the midwife. They know and understand their abilities as well as their limitations (such as - they cannot perform a c-section).

This is true for the prenatal period as well as during labor and birth. Midwives are highly skilled and trained to recognize all complications of labor and birth. And again, they don't take risks, they will transfer to hospitals at the earliest signs, not waiting for things to get too far.

Midwives usually carry oxygen as well as some drugs (such as pitocin) to their births. I had oxygen during my labor toward the end when I was running out of energy. I also had some excessive bleeding after the birth. My midwife gave me a shot of pitocin in the leg to help my uterus to clamp down quicker, slowing the bleeding down quickly.

They are also trained in infant resuscitation and carry tools for that as well.

Midwives are highly trained in normal pregnancy and birth. More so than OB's, who are trained in pathology and surgery.

Homebirth is not for everyone, and not even everyone who wants one can have one (if they "risk out"). However, for those women who have normal pregnancies it is just as safe - if not SAFER than a hospital birth. (Statistics support this statement, unfortunately those who oppose homebirth report statistics that include unintentional homebirths, including those on the way to the hospital, etc. that are not attended by a skilled midwife).

My midwife has delivered over 1,000 babies and has an excellent record of success in all realms. She is truly an expert on birth!

love,

s

Pregnant or hope to be someday?

If you are pregnant now or hope to be someday, no matter what kind of birth you want or plan to have, I really strongly recommend picking up a copy and reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Even after doing tons of research with my first, and actually experiencing childbirth, I'm still learning SO MUCH! It is really wonderfully written, easy to read and engaging.

I think it's so important for every woman to read this book. I found it at my library.

Midwife and author Ina May Gaskin is truly an expert in pregnancy and childbirth. The insight she has to offer is so invaluable. If you only read one book during your pregnancy, choose this one!

Birth and the Two Models of Care

Whether you choose an OB or a midwife to provide your pregnancy, birth and postpartum care, there is something that will influence the outcome of your experience more than anything. This is whether your provider practices under the medical model of care or the midwifery model of care.

It seems like it would be pretty cut and dry - OB's practice the medical and Midwives practice the midwifery. Right?

While the vast majority of the time this might be true, there are still plenty of exceptions.

The two models of care by definition:

The Midwives Model of Care

The Midwives Model of Care is based on the fact that pregnancy and birth are normal life processes.

The Midwives Model of Care includes:

• Monitoring the physical, psychological, and social well-being of the mother throughout the childbearing cycle
• Providing the mother with individualized education, counseling, and prenatal care, continuous hands-on assistance during labor and delivery, and postpartum support
• Minimizing technological interventions
• Identifying and referring women who require obstetrical attention

The application of this woman-centered model of care has been proven to reduce the incidence of birth injury, trauma, and cesarean section.

Copyright (c) 1996-2008, Midwifery Task Force, Inc., All Rights Reserved.

http://cfmidwifery.org/mmoc/define.aspx

I couldn't find a definition of the medical model of care, but I found this table making some comparisons of the two models:

Midwives Model of Care Medical Model of Care Definition: Definition: • Birth is a social event, a normal part of a woman's life. • Birth is the work of the woman and her family. • The woman is a person experiencing a life-transforming event. • Childbirth is a potentially pathological process. • Birth is the work of doctors, nurses, midwives and other experts. • The woman is a patient. Definition: Definition: • Home or other familiar surroundings. • Informal system of care. • Hospital, unfamiliar territory to the woman • Bueaucratic, hierarchical system of care Definition: Definition: • See birth as a holistic process • Shared decision-making between caregivers and birthing woman • No class distinction between birthing women and caregivers • Equal relationship • Information shared with an attitude of personal caring. • Longer, more in-depth prenatal visits • Often strong emotional support • Familiar language and imagery used • Awareness of spiritual significance of birth • Believes in integrity of birth, uses technology if appropriate and proven • Trained to focus on the medical aspects of birth • "Professional" care that is authoritarian • Often a class distinction between obstetrician and patients • Dominant-subordinate relationship • Information about health, disease and degree of risk not shared with the patient adequately. • Brief, depersonalized care • Little emotional support • Use of medical language • Spiritual aspects of birth are ignored or treated as embarrassing • Values technology, often without proof that it improves birth outcome

http://www.morningstarbirth.com/index.cfm?event=pageview&contentPieceID=3225

M(idwives in) D(isguise)

Some OB's, even while working in the hospital, do work under the assumptions of the midwifery model of care. One indicator would be their percentages of interventions (induction, c-section, vacuum, forceps, episiotomies, etc). Low percentages of interventions would indicate they may work under the midwifery philosophy, using interventions only when REALLY necessary.

MEDwives

In contrast, some midwives who work in hospitals work under the medical model of care. They usually work closely with an OB. Their purpose is more as an attraction to women who want a midwife but still opt for a hospital birth. The care is similar to that of an OB.

The "title" your caregiver possesses does not necessarily dictate the kind of care you will get or the kind of birth you will have. It is important to find a caregiver whose birth philosophy matches your own if at all possible. Yes, we all want healthy babies in the end. But our experiences in childbirth, our hopes and desires, matter as well.

-S

Mothering from Within

I didn't have a lot of ideas about motherhood before I became a mother. Sure there were things I thought I would and would not do. But I couldn't have written a book about it. It was just a general sense of what I thought it might look like.

The picture in my head ended up being actually quite different than how things have played out so far. I've done so many things that never even crossed my mind or knew about before becoming a mother.

I did do tons of research regarding pretty much every decision I made. But all in all, I made decisions from my heart. I did things the way that just felt right to me. It hasn't always been easy, and many of my decisions are definitely off of the beaten path, which has made me feel like a bit of a loner at times. But all in all I had peace in my heart that I was doing the right things for my daughter and my family.

This is why I have called this blog "Mother from Within". I feel like mothering has come from within me, like it was there all along - I just didn't know it. While trying at times, it really has come so naturally.

I also choose to blog about the things I do because I feel that many of the things might not be the "mainstream" way of doing things, they are less common and in some circles completely unknown. I had to do a lot of research from many different sources. I wanted to compile the things I have learned - to write about all of the research I have done so maybe another mom can benefit from it. Some mom's may be interested and not know it yet, or may not have the resources or time to do it on their own.

I have gotten many questions and emails about breastfeeding, midwives, cloth diapering, etc. I LOVE answering questions with whatever wisdom I might have to share. I hope this blog sparks some interest in different subjects and topics, and more than anything spurs people to do their own research and form their opinions after considering all sides of things, even the lesser known.

Thanks for reading! I can get pretty passionate at times, so if you disagree with something I may write, I hope you can still see my heart.

xoxo,

stephanie

Cloth Diapers and Diaper Rash (Copy)

This is a topic we have thankfully not had to deal with with our little precious girl. She hasn't had any diaper rash at all in her cloth diapers. Many people think that baby's in cloth get more rashes since the wet stays against their skin and isn't pulled away and turned into gel. However, it is not the wetness that inherently causes the rash. It can be several different factors but I would say it is usually a combination of the chemicals used in disposables paired with the lack of breath-ability (plastic) and THEN the wetness. Cloth are more breathable and do not contain the chemicals and therefore less rash!

However, rashes, of course, CAN occur with cloth diapers. Some babies just have super sensitive skin. Sometimes detergent build-up in the diapers can cause a rash. Sometimes even the more breathable fabrics aren't breathable enough for some babies. Whatever the reason, some parents might find themselves needing to either change their routine, or use diaper cream.

Not all diaper creams are created equal in the world of cloth diapering. Some will leave a residue on the diapers and cause them to repel liquid. So you want to use a cloth friendly diaper cream. This is a great resource that rates all of the creams and their degree of cloth friendliness. It also tells you how to strip your diapers if you use a "non-cloth-friendly" type.

Other options are

1. Try stripping your diapers to make sure a detergent build up isn't causing the rash.
2. Let baby's bum air out a bit, or try fleece or wool covers for overnights especially, or for a few days and see if getting more air helps. Fleece and wool absorb a lot of their weight in liquid, so while they aren't completely water proof, they are great for around the house. (They really do hold an amazing amount of moisture!)
3. Lay a piece of fleece in your diaper to keep the diaper cream off the diaper. Throw it in the wash with the rest of the diapers and wash as usual.

Happy diapering!

Evil (hormonal) birth control... (Copy)

This is a blog I've been meaning to write for several years now. The content is hard for me, humbling to share, but too important to keep to myself. I intend it to be a sort of PSA per say, as I had to learn things the hard way. I hope that maybe just maybe someone might not need to.

At the ripe age of 25, after suffering from years of horrible cramps (the kind that I could only put a dent in with a couple of strong pain killers), I decided to ask a doctor for birth control pills. I had heard that this really helped with cramps and also delayed or helped endometriosis, a condition my mother suffered from until her hysterectomy and I feared I would suffer from as well.

The doctor handed me a prescription without question or explanation. Of course, I was 25, not a child by any means. I took the pills and my cramps were SO MUCH BETTER! I was thrilled. I didn't give the pills another thought as I continued to take them for the next three years.

The following three years of my life were.... absolute hell for me. I became emotional, angry, depressed, anxious and just completely unhappy.

I was out of control. The anxiety and anxiety attacks were the worst. It stopped me from living my life almost completely. I quit jobs. I didn't work for a lot of that time. I had trouble just carrying on with day to day life.I felt frozen at the thought of doing anything. I was depressed and lashed out at my husband. Any little thing could and would be completely earth shattering to me and would send me in a tailspin. I was even bordering suicidal at times.

The lowest moment for me was one day I left work during my lunch hour. I got into an argument with my husband on the phone, had an anxiety attack and drove myself off the road in hysterics. I popped 2 or 3 of my tires and drove on the rims onto a side road. That's the day I quit my job (a job that I had had for only 2 months at that point). That was also the day that I decided I couldn't live like that anymore. It was just pure torture for me and anyone close to me, mostly my husband, but also my parents. My mom did research and found my symptoms in line with PMDD and PTSD. No matter what it was, I had to get help.

I finally began suspecting the birth control and talked to my OB/GYN at my annual check up. I told her about my depression and anxiety when she asked me about my birth control. She told me it *wasn't* the birth control and that was that. She asked me no other questions, offered no help or insight. But at the end of the appointment, she did tell me to see "my doctor". (Didn't really have a doctor I regularly saw, besides her for my annual check up... I just saw whoever when something came up, which was very rare).

I was upset that she brushed me off after telling her about my problem. I was broken and she didn't even care. But I went to see a nurse practitioner and after filling out a few surveys I was prescribed prozac. After a few weeks I definitely saw an improvement. I began feeling like myself again. Not artificially happy, just like myself. Well, mostly.

I took the prozac for about 8 months with success. About 6 months in I stopped taking birth control because we decided we wanted to have a baby. Once I found out I was pregnant I weaned myself off of the prozac. I had a great time being pregnant (a few normal hormonal emotional days as to be expected!) and suffered no postpartum depression or anxiety. I have been off of the birth control and prozac for almost two years and I have never been happier, my marriage is stronger and better than ever. I adore being a mom and I enjoy every moment.. even those sleepless nights with my baby.

I hate that those three years are a part of my past. It was horrible. But I am so happy now and have a greater understanding of the way my body works, what anxiety and depression feel like and do to you, a greater understanding of hormonal birth control (which I will NEVER EVER EVER TAKE AGAIN! for obvious reasons, but also another reason you will find below.. keep reading!). I wish my doctor had told me to be on the look out for these symptoms so I could have gotten off of it and saved my family and me so much heartache. But she didn't and I didn't and it happened. So I would rather share my story and maybe I can save someone else that pain.

Another thing I learned recently is actually HOW hormonal birth control works. It is an abortifacient as well as a contraceptive, which is why it is so effective. Had I known this, I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER have taken the pill in the first place! I'm very pro-life and the thought of this makes me so sick. But again, no one ever told me. If you do some research you will find that the pill works 4 ways:

1. Stops ovulation (however this doesn't always happen)
2. Changes your cervical mucus to hinder sperm from fertilizing an egg
3. Changes the movement of the fallopian tubes to hinder fertilization
4. CREATES A LINING OF THE UTERUS WHICH IS INSUFFICIENT FOR IMPLANTATION IN CASE AN EGG BECOMES FERTILIZED - this is the abortifacient element.

http://www.pfli.org/faq_oc.html

Taking artificial hormones was one of THE absolute worst decisions of my life. There are more ways, natural and herbal, to help with cramps and to aid in a healthy uterus. Thankfully, with the lactation hormones, I have not had to deal with cramps yet! One of the many perks of breastfeeding. :) And barrier method or family planning are (in my opinion) better methods of birth control.

I will end with one of my favorite quotes summarizing my journey and new knowledge of hormonal birth control.

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."
- Maya Angelou

Cloth Diapering ... UPDATE! (Copy)

Several months ago I wrote a detailed blog on MODERN cloth diapering. Over the months I have been asked many questions by several interested momma's (or soon to be momma's). I always welcome any and all questions and find a lot of joy in talking about and sharing cloth diapering. It really is fun (I know, so hard to understand until you try it!)

Anyway, I thought I would give you and update about our adventures in cloth.

The last blog I wrote about cloth was before baby girl started eating solid foods. Since she was a 100% breastfed baby, and breastfed baby poo is water soluble, I just dumped all her diapers right into the washer and that was that. After waiting six months to feed her table foods (and boy we were really holding out at that point, she wanted it SO BAD!), we would no longer be able to just dump all of her diapers into the washer.

This is where things CAN get messy. The way of the past, and the way several mom's still do things, the way I did things for about 2 weeks after we introduced solids was to dunk and swish. In the toilet. Ew. Can't say that was very pleasant. However, there is now a better way!

We were blessed by my sister in law who sent us a diaper sprayer. It's a really simple invention that hooks up to your toilet and has a kitchen sink type sprayer and it just sprays everything off the diaper into the toilet and flush!

They run around $30-40 on average (worth every penny and more I tell you!) but you can google the instructions on making one yourself with just a few dollars of supplies from Home Depot. This looks like a great tutorial with pictures and everything. Much love for the diaper sprayer!

Another thing to consider when cloth diapering is detergent. Not all detergents work well with cloth diapers. Although many people swear by Tide, you can also buy special diaper detergents. We used just a costco brand detergent for several months in the beginning. It worked alright. Every so often it would build up in the diapers (we also have very hard water where we live) so we would get the "stinkies" and have to strip the diapers. (Stinkies in cloth diapers are usually caused by detergent build up in the diapers).

Anyway... we started using Rockin' Green Cloth Diaper and Laundry Detergent. This detergent is AWESOME. It comes in many delicious scents (monkey snacks, grape soda, cherry almond, etc). The scent only stays during the wash, then washes away so as to not irritate sensitive baby skin. YUM! The stinkies have gone away, though we do use some oxyclean in the wash to help. Everyone has a different method for washing diapers, but I'll include mine just for reference. It's all trial and error!

1 Cold wash no detergent
1 Hot wash with 3 TBSP of Rockin Green, 2 TBSP Oxyclean

That's it! With rockin green you don't even need an extra rinse at the end like a lot of detergents require.

Happy diapering!

Why don't people hold their babies? (Copy)

I have to be honest. I am absolutely, 100% in love with holding my little girl. I have been since the first time I held her in my arms. I love holding her, kissing the top of her head, gazing into her eyes. We communicate so much with our eyes. I love babywearing and my homemade moby wrap saved my back when baby was only a couple of months old and not only never wanted to be put down, but wanted to be held only while standing! I love going about my day, getting the cleaning and cooking done with my little girl along for the ride. I love how quickly she falls asleep in her carriers - it let's me know how safe and comfortable she is.

The benefits to babywearing are many! Check out some of them here.

Babies who are worn tend to:

• cry less
• learn more
• more organized
• "humanized" earlier
• smarter!

Ten Reasons to Wear Your Baby

Daddy wearing baby and doing dishes! BEST HUSBAND EVER!!!!

There are many different types of carriers. Our new favorite is a soft-structured carrier, the Patapum. This easily buckles on and baby can be worn on the front or on your back. It has padded straps and distributes the weight on the shoulders and hips. It's so comfortable and Amalie loves it! This was one of the most affordable SSC's I have found. I purchased ours new for around $60.

For a breakdown and information on all the different types of carriers check out this link.

PLEASE READ THIS ARTICLE!!!! It talks about plagiocephaly, the development of a baby's spine, the benefits of babywearing and so much more. It mentions how forward facing your baby is not a good idea while babywearing, and how the Bjorn (and other "crotch danglers") can cause harm to the baby's hips and spine development (you never want a carrier that positions baby's knees below the butt).

The Bjorn (also the Snugli) is a popular carrier but besides being not great for baby, it also isn't great for the wearer. It puts all the weight on the shoulders and can only be comfortably used while baby is quite small (less than 15 lbs).

After the first few months of baby's life, I was a little worried that all the carrying would slow down her physical progress. Well, I couldn't have been more wrong. She was rolling over by 3 months, crawling at 5 months, standing at 7 months and now at 9 months she is standing unassisted and climbing up AND down the stairs!

She is quite the independent little busy bee.

So leave the bucket (carseat) in the car (where it belongs), leave that bulky stroller in the trunk and enjoy the benefits of wearing your baby!

For more about babywearing and attachment parenting see this site.

Breastfeeding in Public (Copy)

This is a hot topic, isn't it?? Many of you may disagree with me on this, and that's ok. We are all entitled to our opinions. And here's mine...

Before I was a mom, I felt a little uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeeding in public. I wasn't offended, I didn't think it was wrong. It just felt a little weird.

Now, I'm a mom breastfeeding in public. And while I choose to cover up sometimes while in public, I don't think any mom should be made to feel like they have to cover up, or "hide" while feeding their child. Honestly, the older my baby is getting, the more she is HATING to be covered up. She grabs and pulls the cover. It's actually way more of an ordeal trying to stay covered and we bring way more attention to ourselves.

There are laws protecting breastfeeding women, and no one can ask a mom to leave or cover up (lawfully anyway).

Some people actually have asked women to go to the bathroom to feed their children. EW! Would you eat in there??? Why would you want someone's baby to!

And my opinion as someone formerly made uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeeding - Look away! You don't have to watch. Just look away and let her and her baby eat in peace.

Bottles and Breastfeeding (Copy)

I am beautiful as I am. I am the shape that was gifted. My breasts are no longer perky and upright like when I was a teenager. My hips are wider than that of a fashion model's. For this I am glad, for these are the signs of a life lived.

~Cindy Olsen, co-owner of The Body Objective

A newborn baby has only three demands. They are warmth in the arms of its mother, food from her breasts, and security in the knowledge of her presence. Breastfeeding satisfies all three.

~Grantly Dick-Read

While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby.

~Amy Spangler

No one could give her such soothing and sensible consolation as this little three-month-old creature when he lay at her breast and she felt the movement of his lips and the snuffling of his tiny nose.

~Leo Tolstoy

Breastfeeding is an unsentimental metaphor for how love works, in a way. You don't decide how much and how deeply to love - you respond to the beloved, and give with joy exactly as much as they want.

~Marni Jackson

"Human milk is the preferred feeding for all infants, including premature and sick newborns...It is recommended that breastfeeding continue for at least the first 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired"

- excerpt from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) breastfeeding guidelines

Before my baby girl was born I knew I wanted to breastfeed. There are so many benefits of breastfeeding (which I will list at the end). I knew I wanted to give my child the very best I could before she was ever conceived.

I feel really lucky because I had very few problems with breastfeeding. Baby girl was a natural and we settled into things very easily. I was extremely sore (to the point of tears and wanting to give up) the first two weeks. Knowing she was getting the very best I could give her gave me motivation to keep going.

I really wanted to be sure that we had nursing establised really well before we tried pumping and giving her a bottle. My biggest fear was that she would "forget" how to latch or that she would no longer want to nurse (which can be a problem, see article about "nipple confusion"). Nursing was just so important I didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that. So, we waited until I think 4 or 5 weeks to introduce her to a bottle. My supply was well established at that point and we were very comfortable with nursing.

Well, our little angel baby decided that the bottle was NOT for her. We tried every method, several bottles, pretty much anything we could short of starving her (which may have worked, but we were not willing to try, after all the bottle was for our convenience - not hers. I'm not going to starve my baby for my own convenience). We did get her to take about 1 ounce at a time, sometimes twice a day. Clearly not enough for a meal. (Edited to Add: Later we found out why she would not take a bottle. Google "excess lipase in breastmilk" and look for a future post on this subject).

I decided that it just wasn't that important for us to keep pushing the issue. Sure, it would be nice to delegate a feeding to dad at night. Or leave her with grandma and grandpa knowing that she would eat if she was hungry. But, I'm blessed in that I am able to stay home with her, so a bottle for daycare wasn't necessary. And I truly have grown to love our special quiet time at night, especially since I know it won't last forever (and it gives dad more sleep since he works so hard to let me stay home with her). She can also go longer between feedings now, so we are able to leave for a little while without worrying that she'll starve (I still don't have a great desire to be away from her for long yet..). And now I don't have to worry about weaning her from a bottle or a pacifier (she won't take one of those either!), and she'll have better teeth! (see link to benefits to adults below).

[Bottle feeding] also made a fetish out of cleanliness, and maybe all the washing and scrubbing has further reduced the pleasure we take in our body and in life.

~Author Unknown

Benefits of Breastfeeding For baby:
(I used mainly one resource as most of the information is not really under debate)

• Breastmilk provides antibodies which leads to healthier babies. Breastmilk also leads to healthier adults.
• Breastmilk has more nutrients that are more easily absorbed and easier to digest for baby than formula.
• Research has shown that breastfed babies have higher IQ's.
• Research has shown that breastfeeding may reduce the incidence of SID's.

For mom:

• Lower rate of certain cancers and osteoporosis.
• Promotes emotional health (ie less postpartum anxiety and depression)
• Promotes postpartum weight loss.
• Costs less to breastfeed.
• It's convenient - always clean, always ready to go. No bottles to make or clean.
• Stimulates "mothering hormones" - prolactin and oxytocin.

This is a quick, easy read that breaks down many more benefits for baby and mom.

Check out http://www.kellymom.com/ - great breastfeeding resource. This is where I go whenever I have had a problem or question.

You call it old-fashioned? I call it progressive! (Copy)

One of the best decisions I feel like we have made for our newly GROWING family is our choice to use cloth diapers.

WHAT?!?! Cloth diapers??

Yes, we are using cloth diapers. And we absolutely LOVE them (and yes, I say we! Husband loves them as well!) For oh so many reasons.

1) We are saving SOOO much money over disposables.

And not only are we saving money on this baby, but any and all future babies as well, as we will not need to buy any more diapers later. This article gives a great break down on the costs of disposables vs. cloth. So far we have spent maybe a little over $300 on diapers. I would say we might spend maybe another $100 or so on bigger diapers as she grows. I have also made reusable wipes out of cut up pieces of flannel and a few drops of nutritive oils (jojoba, chamomile, lavender and tea tree) mixed with lots of water.

2) I believe it's healthier for my baby.

There are a lot of chemicals used in disposables. I feel better keeping them away from my baby. This article (see also 2) breaks down some of the chemicals found in disposables and possible effects. Cancer? Asthma? Infertility in boys? No thank you!

In addition, much of diaper rash is thought to be a product of the chemicals, lack of air (due to the plastic) and changing diapers less often since they do not feel as wet and hold more. A study conducted by Procter & Gamble (who manufactures Pampers) showed that diaper rash has increased from 7% to 61% with the use of disposables. And the Journal of Pediatrics has stated the 54% of one-month old babies wearing disposable diapers had diaper rash and 16% had severe diaper rash.

3) It's so much better for the environment!

It is predicted that disposables will stay in the landfills for upwards of 500 years. Since disposables have been around for around 50 years that means every disposable every baby has worn is still sitting in landfills. This brings more problems than just taking up space. While many states have laws stating that solid waste is supposed to be dumped out from the diaper before disposal, many people do not do this. This means that the human waste is leeching into the water table.

A lot of paper, water and chemicals go into the manufacturing of disposables.

The water used to clean cloth diapers go to water treatment plants and the amount used to wash is said to be about equal to one extra person using the bathroom (pretty reasonable I would say?)

For more research, here are some websites:

http://www.thenewparentsguide.com/diapers.htm

http://www.ecomall.com/greenshopping/diaper2z.htm

http://www.realdiaperassociation.org/diaperfacts.php


I hang my diapers to dry to help conserve energy (and $!). My diapers will also make great rags when we are all done with babies and diapers!

Those are the biggest reasons we have chosen to cloth diaper. Other benefits include a slightly less known fact that children in cloth diapers tend to potty learn easier and earlier than children in disposables. They also don't stink like disposables (really!!). I also have not had one blowout or diaper leak with my cloth diapers.

Ok if you're still with me I'm going to show you some things that are new in the world of cloth diapering since my mom used them with me (ask your parents, you might be surprised that they may have with you, too!)

There are many different types of cloth diapers! I will list the main types.

1) All in One diapers - These function just like disposables. You put them on and take them off, wash and repeat. EASY EASY! These are a little pricey (ranging from $15-30 per diaper), but again can be reused with subsequent children. There are also many "one-size" versions that can fit babies from birth until potty learning so you don't need to keep buying new sizes.

Here's one popular brand - bumGenius

2) Pocket diapers - Similar to the All in One, but has a pocket in which you stuff an absorbant insert into the diaper. After it is stuffed, it functions just like a disposable. The beauty of pocket diapers is they dry much faster than the all in one, and you can add as many inserts as you want to add absorbancy to the diaper. Very customizable. I like these diapers for at night so I don't have to wake baby for middle of the night diaper changes. They are similar in price to the All in One (depending on the brand $15-30). There are also many "one-size" versions that can fit babies from birth until potty learning so you don't need to keep buying new sizes.

Here is another popular brand: FuzziBunz

3) Prefold/Flat diapers and diaper covers: This is closer to the "old-fashioned" type of cloth diapering. Although instead of pins, people usually use "snappi's" and cute covers that either velcro or snap like the above diapers. This is by far the most economical way of cloth diapering and thus what we do a majority of the time (pockets at night, plus we have a few of the others sprinkled in here and there). It seems like more work, but it's really not especially when you get used to it!

A baby with a prefold diaper and snappi:

And a popular brand of cover Thirsties:

Washing really isn't a big deal. I wash two more loads per week (3 if you count baby's clothes too!). I don't have to "swish" or "dunk" my diapers, just toss them in. And no, I don't have skid marks in my washer! This comment always makes me laugh... you would have to have a pretty poor washer to not get things clean - I wash puked on clothes and sweaty soccer jerseys in there too... I wouldn't be happy if those didn't get clean either!

Some people who cloth diaper use disposables when they are out. I find it just as easy to cloth diaper while out. I have a "wet bag" in my diaper bag that holds the dirty diapers and keeps in all moisture and smell. This is the one I use.. it is made by Planet Wise. I just unzip and dump the whole thing in the wash with the rest of my diapers.



I guess that's about all I'll squeeze into this blog. The world of cloth diapering can be pretty immense. I'm still learning more and more every day. It's fun though, and I know that I'm doing a good thing for my baby and the world that my baby will live in when I'm gone. I don't mind being slightly "inconvenienced" for the health of my child and the planet. I love the quote by American Pediatric nurse specialist Kittie Frantz "You're not managing an inconvenience, you're raising a human being." So true! Oh! And let's not forget how much fun it can be buying some CUTE diapers! This is the cover I just ordered this week for baby! I can't wait to put it on her! (Right - the one pitfall? ADDICTION!)

Our First (Home)birth Story (Copy)

Thank you to my midwives for keeping such detailed notes to fill in the details where my memory could not! And thank you to my friend Megan for taking pictures for us. Here is my birth story.

I first realized I was in labor at 12:45am on Monday, April 13, 2009. My contractions were not very painful, but enough that I couldn't fall back to sleep. I started timing them and they were about 5 minutes apart. At about 1:30am and more of the same and not knowing what to do with myself, I decided to wake up hubby. I was so excited! I knew this was the day I would finally be able to hold my little girl in my arms. The day we had been waiting for!

Ready and waiting for baby's arrival!

We got up and timed contractions with contractionmaster.com (awesome website!) while playing Rockband on the Wii. Contractions were still uncomfortable but obviously not that painful! We timed for about 2 hours, the contractions varied between 2 and 4 minutes apart. A couple of times I laid down, but the contractions slowed quite a bit when I did that so I decided to keep things moving along by staying up and moving around. We were still so excited as it sunk in that our baby girl was coming to meet us!

At about 3:40am hubby decided it was time to call our midwife and our friend, Megan, that was going to attend the birth. Megan arrived around 4:30am. Our midwife and her apprentice were on their way and arrived around maybe 5:30am (I don't clearly remember times, just a general idea).

The contractions stayed about the same although they had gotten more powerful and I had to stop and breathe through them. My midwife checked me at 6am and I was at 4-5cm and 90% effaced, +2 station. Even though I was pretty tired at this point I decided to just keep moving around and progressing the labor since I would not get any real rest until it was over anyway.

At 7am hubby took a nap and I was checked again and was around 6cm, 100% effaced. At this point I was able to reach in and feel the top of her head.... so crazy! Still just breathing my way through contractions. My midwives and hubby and friend helped here and there with counter pressure on my back which felt really good. The contractions were getting more uncomfortable and I was starting to feel pretty tired having only slept an hour and a half the night before.

At 8:10am I decided to get in the birthing tub. At 8:23am my midwife checked me and I was 9cm and very stretchy! Almost there! I sat in the tub in many different positions to help the pain (right side, left side, hands and knees, draped over the tub). At 9:40am they bailed out the water in the tub and filled it back up with hot water. At 9:54am the contractions became very painful. I had a lot of pain in my hips.

At 10:41am I started pushing in a squat position in the tub. Pushing was REALLY hard because I felt soooo tired at this point. I felt like I was completely out of energy. My midwife gave me some oxygen to help with my energy level. In between pushing I was dozing and falling asleep.

At 11:00am we moved to the bed trying to find a good position to push. After a push or two on the bed there was a BOOM! (really big pop) my water EXPLODED. It was really loud and exciting and sprayed everyone close to me. It was so loud it actually startled hubby!

At 11:48am we moved to the birthing stool and pushed there until 11:55am we moved to the floor. At 12:19pm on my bedroom floor I delivered my beautiful baby girl!

Placing baby on my belly!

Daddy gazing at his baby girl, waiting for the placenta to be delivered.

I was so in my zone during the pushing I can't remember a lot of things. My midwives and friend and husband were all wonderful. I felt like I wasn't going to be able to do it since I was so tired and I felt like I was not making progress with my pushes, which really scared me. But I was making progress and in the end I just kept telling myself (out loud) that I could do it. It kept me from giving up. The whole time they monitored baby's heartbeat and it NEVER wavered, not during contractions, rest, not during pushing or after. She was strong the whole way through which gave me a lot of confidence that everything was ok.

Baby gazing at her daddy for the first time.

I was bleeding quite a bit, so my midwife gave me a shot of pitocin in my thigh, did acupuncture, massaged my uterus, and gave me a placenta smoothie (small piece of placenta with lots of fruit!). I laid on my bed during all of this with my baby girl nursing while I rested. I slept for about an hour (with my baby nursing the whole time) since I was so exhausted from childbirth and no sleep. Hubby slept too!

At 2:25pm, after the cord had stopped pulsating, the midwives clamped and daddy cut the cord.

After examining me my midwife gave me two stitches for a minor tear. They tried to get me up to go to the bathroom before they left a few hours later and I almost passed out, so I decided to stay in bed. I said I wasn't going to get out of bed again until the next day, but I actually made it to the bathroom and back (with hubby's assistance of course) later that night (almost passed out on the way back - but I thought that was pretty good!)

Mama and baby.

In the middle of our bed at 3:25pm, the assisting midwife performed the newborn exam. Everything was perfect! At 4:30pm, midwives had everything cleaned up and packed up, we had all eaten together and they left us to enjoy our new family.

I'm thrilled that I was able to experience (unmedicated) childbirth, it was and is a truly incredible experience. I'm so proud of what I have accomplished. The pain was bearable and really not what I remember most. I absolutely plan to have more babies (at home)! I'm so happy as a first time mom to have had such a good experience and I was SO happy that my home birth stayed at home. And most of all of course I'm happy to have a healthy happy baby.

Everyone relaxing in bed together.

Baby girl born 12:19pm April 13

8lbs 21 inches long and BEAUTIFUL!

1 day old